Invader Fullmetal
by Hikari Elric
Summary: Ed is summoned to meet an old childhood friend, and on the way is abducted by Zim.
1. Bring me the Boy!

Hikari: Hi, ya'll! Oh, I've always wanted to say that . . .

Roy: Weell I wanna say I like pie do you like pie? mumble mumble

Ed: hehe . . . too much coffee, as usual . . .

Hikari: well, next story.

Hikaru: HI!!!!!!!

Hikari: _. . . whoa_.

"Edward Elric, or Major Elric, has a report due in a day," mumbled the Colonel as he scribbled ferociously on a piece of parchment.

"A reminder to be passed on to Fullmetal. Got that, Lt. Hawkeye?" Hawkeye saluted.

"Yes Sir. Message to Edward Elric about a report due tomorrow." She left the room.

"Finally, some peace," he sighed. He thought about getting married, then having children, and . . .

"_Lt. Colonel, you're fired!" screamed Bradley. "That was too unacceptable!"_

"_NOOOOOOOO!" he screamed._

_Fullmetal came rushing into the room. _

"_Go away, Bradley, I need to talk to him in _private_." _

_He shooed him off then approached Roy. _

"_You're fired, eh? So, I don't have to obey you anymore, do I?"_

_Roy's eyes widened in surprise. No more Fullmetal running around doing his errands, chores, or orders! Just the thought of it scared him. He suddenly had a flower in his hand. He was handing it to Fullmetal. Slowly, the office turned into a green meadow full of flowers. "Ed, will you marry me?" the flower tuned into a ring. He noticed something. Ed's hair was down. He had so feminine eyes, glowing in the sun. His eyes slowly were dragged down, drawn to something big. Or, actually, some things. Edward had a chest!! 'Oh, my god!' Roy thought. 'Hotter than ever now!' "Roy! Roy! Roy! Wake up!" Roy drew himself to kiss Fullmetal. "Roy!" He could still talk while kissing?_

"Roy, what the _hell_ are you doing???" He opened his eyes, finding him and Fullmetal face-to-face. He was making kissy-lips, so he stopped immediately. Ed was on the wall, scrunched up as if Roy was after him. Well, he _was_, but not intentionally.

"I apologize, I was having a dream," he said dreamily.

"So, What did you want?"

"Colonel, I need to talk about the report," he watched him put down the piece of paper he tried to hand to him in his sleep.

"Yes?"

"I have to go out of town to visit my friend Ashley, and I will be gone for a week."

Roy raised an eyebrow. "So, you can't hand in the report? Perhaps you could hand it in when you get back. I will come to your dorm immediately in a week."

"But, sir, I will be with my friend the whole time, I wouldn't have time to do it!" he explained rapidly.

"Well, buh bye now."

Roy hurried to shove Fullmetal out the door as if nothing happened. _Nothing had happened,_ hoped Mustang. _If something did, Ed would be screaming at me right now._ But, as a matter of fact, Ed was screaming.

"Tell me why you tried to flipping k" Ed stopped talking when Hughes walked into the room, smiling a slick smile that Hughes always smiled when Ed or Roy hints that they're in love, even though they aren't.

"Hello, boys, I was just taking a . . ." he fell silent when he saw Ed's hand on Roy's shoulder, trying to wriggle free of the Colonel's grasp. He was only holding him because it would make him go away faster. But Hughes thought otherwise.

"Er-I need to go my train leaves in 20 minutes."

"Where are you going, Ed?" Hughes asked suspiciously.

"To see a friend."

"Who?"

"Ashley,"

"OOOOOOoooooOOOOhhhhhhh! ED'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!" he screamed.

"Do not! She's a childhood friend NOT a girlfriend. Besides, I haven't seen her for 5 whole years."

"Reeeeeaaaaaallllyyy . . ."

"Whatever."

At the train station

"Bye, bye, Nii-san! Have fun!" Al waved at the person sitting beside the window. "Why can't I come?" he mumbled to himself. "Oh, whatever," he walked off silently.

"God, I HATE Hughes sooo much right mow . . ." Ed sighed.

He wanted to eat all of a sudden, his stomach growling loudly, but blending with the sound of the train's engine.

"WHEN is the trolley going to come around???" he screamed.

Just then, a cart full of sandwiches, candy, and other junk came rolling by.

"I need something to eat!" he yelled at the young woman. She turned around to reveal an ugly face of wrinkles and misplaced makeup. Obviously she was in her 50's, not 20's.

"Yes?" she asked in an old shaky voice.

"Er-never mind," he said while thinking that he lost his appetite because of her. He just sank back into his seat and slept.

"THE TRAIN HAS NOW ARRIVED AT BALLANOR CITY. PLEASE BE READY TO DEPART." The train operator's voice rang through the entire train.

"_Who what where when why how???_" Edward screamed. "_I am not short as a seedling so shut up I . . ." _he silenced when he realized he was alone.

"Oh. Er . . . I guess I'll pack up. Wait, where is Al???" he shook his head in every direction, scanning hopelessly for a big hump of metal.

"Arf, what's wrong with me? Alphonse isn't here, because she only wanted me . . . man, I miss him . . ." he sighed.

"'Scuse me . . . Are you . . . Edward Elric?"

He turned, and said, "Hi, yes I am, but who're you?"

"I am . . ."

Hahaha. Cliffhanger people. XD wait fer my next update. did it work? No flames? Well, R&R, people.


	2. In the city

Hikari: Hi I am here and currently reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!!!

Harry: Why are you mentioning me if I'm not even in your story?

Hikari: Because I'm reading your book!

Ed: Who's he and why is he talking to you?

Hikari: sigh

"I am here on Miss Ashley's request to guide you to her residence. If you will, please follow me," she turned on her heel, her long blonde hair moving in every direction.

"I know where she lives, thanks!" he yelled after her.

"Miss Ashley has moved into her father's house. She wishes you tell your brother . . . Alfose, was it . . . nothing of your visit."

Ed nodded stubbornly. "And what do I call you?" he said through clenched teeth.

"Dent. Jessica Dent. Just call me Jessica."

An absurd noise came from the woman's pocket.

"'Scuse me," she turned around and held a phone to her ear.

"What's that?" he asked rather rudely.

"What? I'm sorry; this little kid is interrupting our conversation. I'll have to call you back."

She threw the phone in the air, unaware of Ed's outbursts when called small, or little. In this case, little.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT CAN FIT IN AN ANT HOLE?!?!?!?!" he screamed.

"Calm down! I didn't say all that! So, if you will, come this way please." She said through gritting teeth.

"Why the hell should I?"

"Miss Ashley wants me to."

Right then and there, I'll let you be physic and read Ed's mind.

_That is so damn childish!!_

Physic moment over!

"Well, are you coming?" she said impatiently.

"Fine, be that way." Ed pouted.

She simply ignored it and walked out of the compartment, but Ed took forever to get back to Earth.

Yes, so now we realize that Ed's being a jerk to this woman, and let's not forget stubborn. Oh, yea. And she hates him, too. So, now let's go to see them getting off the train!

"Edward! Hello, are you alive?" Jessica nearly had to scream to get through to him.

"Huh?"

"It's time to get off this stupid train. Now grab your bags and let's go!"

As they walked, Ed got slower and slower due to the people getting off the train as well. But by the time he got out into the fresh night air, he lost Jessica.

"Hey! Um . . . Jessica! Where are you? I am LOST!"

Little did Ed know that Jessica had left little Ed behind on purpose! OW!

"I AM NOT SMALL!!!!!!!!"

Okay, never use Ed and little in the same sentence right next to each other.

As I was saying, she left him behind and planned to tell Ashley that she had lost him on the way. So he began wandering in the open grass by the city, wondering whether to make bread for food out of grass or wildflowers.

"Ugh, I'll never find "Miss Ashley" now. What am I going to do?"

Ed lay on his back, determined to think of a way to find her. He closed his eyes, and heard cows around him. He hoped silently to not open his eyes to a cow pie. He heard the constant _whoosh_ of the cars on the freeway he was laying near.

Do you ever close your eyes and then get exposed to light? Notice how you see red? Well, Ed is seeing this redness now.

"Ow… my eyes…" Ed shielded his face with his hand.

He opened his eyes, hand still over his eyes. He saw an oval shape get closer and closer until it was so bright he couldn't see. He suddenly felt light-headed and could hardly breathe. He silently fell into whiteness, peacefully sleeping. He was having a wonderful dream; he was running through a field of flowers, all purple day lilies. He was like a god; he made new types of flowers appear where he stepped. He then stopped in the middle of his tracks to pick up a certain flower. It was a dark purple rose with reddish outlines. It stood out in front of all the light colored flowers that all made him happy. This one filled him with misery. A sadness, filling him from head to toe, was starting to control his body. He suddenly got a terrible headache, and he was drifting away from the fields. _No…_ he thought, trying to break free. _I won't…I can't… Ashley…_

He opened his eyes, noticing that he was lying down.

"W-where am I?"

Where are you indeed?

Ed looked around frantically, looking for the speaker.

"Who said that?" Ed shouted.

Do you really want to know?

"Yes…" Oh. Well, one second… 

Ed sat up, looking to the left and right.

"Behind you." A voice spoke.

Ed looked behind him, and saw the strangest thing he's ever seen.

There stood a creature, short in stature, with oval red eyes, and green skin to match.

"So," it spoke, "you're…Edward, am I correct?"

"Y-yea, but who are you?"

"I," he declared loudly, "am Invader Zim, a special invader for the almighty tallest sent on a special mission to take over … eh … _earth._"

Ed's heart went into panic, and then bewilderment.

"How did you know my name?"

Zim's eyes widened, then a sly smile came to his lips. He stepped aside, allowing Ed to see past him. And what Ed saw made him want to fall dead and stay dead forever.


End file.
